Purchase of a New Year's Eve cocktail dress, a sequined black number, for my wife Martha:

$250.

A bottle of Dom Perignon for our hosts, my long time employer and his wife:

$120

The likely bill to dry-clean my tux, in order to remove my over-imbibing wife's vomit:

$20

Cash to pay Heidi Johnson, our babysitter, for watching our son (and for helping me get Martha put to bed):

$75

Properly ringing in the New Year by fucking the daylights out of Heidi's fourteen-year-old girlcunt in the backseat, roadside three blocks from her parent's house at two A.M. on January 1, 2004:

PRICELESS. ......(cont)