It was a warm July night in 1989. I was out walking, trying to forget the job that I had just left. It was late; the night air was comfortable. It was really helping me fast to forget just how fast-paced and mind-boggling the job was; there would be other jobs, I knew this was no problem. The problem would be to find one with enough pay; but at the moment the only thing that was on my mind, now at about the stroke of midnight and being about five miles from my house, was the stretch of road ahead as I came off from walking these railroad tracks. The tracks had helped bridge the distance from point A to point B just a little faster; I may have saved about a mile or so than if I had otherwise taken pavement.

I knew my surroundings; I had been here before. I wasn't lost but for some reason I wanted to be. I wanted to be somewhere on some street somewhere and have to guess where I was and where I might come out. I knew several truths though as I walked along - that I was gay, and that I wanted to find someone else that might be as interested in me for a lover as I was in them. I knew that it might be years before I found a true "lover", but I couldn't stop looking and as I guess everyone is, I was impatient. I wanted someone now, I had waited too long already it seemed; t was worse than a wait in a doctor's office to see a doctor, probably because one you dread and the other you don't.. or something.

My feet continued to pound the pavement as I walked the streets; I might be out all night for all I cared. There probably wasn't another soul in town awake at this hour, this, a growing town in the Northwest suburbs of Atlanta. Still, I walked along, blasting a walkman in my ear. I felt as though I was walking into a void; I had felt this way a million times before and yet I wouldn't stop just walking - it was as though I was challenging the void - to prove there was something out there. To some, at such an hour, it may seem dangerous or even stupid.

There were still lots of people out at this hour, but they were driving, probably to or from work - who knew? This was Monday morning anyway, but I knew school had let out for the summer. I dropped my headphones down around my neck as I began to tire of the music. I had walked nearly eight miles I figured, and I just wanted to hear the golden silence that was around me and let the air get to my ears again; ears which were warm to hot from having earpads pressing against them as I trudged along.

I walked a little more cautiously down this road here, because it didn't provide good line-of-sight vision in either lane, so I would lane-change frequently, with regard to hills and so forth. I would head toward a certain hill, I guessed, for lack of any other logical destination. This hill gave me a good look at downtown Atlanta and the surrounding countryside. I knew the owner of the land had just built a house up there, yet still - I thought I might sneak by for a look. It was still about four miles from where I was to the hill, though, and more pavement pounding. I glanced at my watch - it was already 12:30. Still, as far as I had come, it had been a good walk on ANY night. But I wanted to go on. This was doing me good.

As it turned out, it was about to do me a lot MORE good. "Pssst..." I heard someone say. Shit. Some bastard's got a gun on me. I started to break in run. Instead, I froze in my tracks.

"Hey you!" the voice whispered. "Come here a second!"

Uh.. yeah. Who are you, the tax collector? You can't be talking to me.

"Come here! I'm serious! I don't want anything!" the voice sounded young, caring. It didn't sound like some redneck. It didn't sound like a woman. It sounded like a guy. It took all this time for me to sort that out. But then, he might be going to play a joke. Still, I guess I'd been the victim of enough jokes; what was one more going to hurt? I had nothing else better to do. I approached the dark, quiet house. Hell - what if he had a Doberman Pinsher he was waiting to let loose on me? Shit! The hysteria of the moment was killing me!

There.. I was some 20 feet from the house. I dared not get any closer yet. "What do you want?" I whispered from this insane, yet somehow safe, distance. "I dunno man, I guess I'm as crazy for calling you as you are for coming up here!"

"Hey!" I sort of snapped. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"No! Look.. I live here, and you're on my property. If I was going to play a joke on somebody, it sure as hell wouldn't be here! Uh.. could you use somebody to talk to?"

How in hell did he know I was just "out" and not going anywhere in particular? That my car didn't get stranded somewhere or something and I was looking for a station - shew! He knew, somehow. Maybe it was the phase of the moon. But then, how did he know I wasn't some killer and he was to be my next victim?

"My name's Keith," he said. "My mom's out of town and I'm just watching the place while she's away. Just thought I'd spend this one night, then go back to my apartment."

Keith told me he was 24. I looked over at him; I could only make out certain features with the angle that the distant street light was shining. I could tell that in the clothing department, the only thing he had on was a pair of white jockey underwear. He was obviously "white" as I was, and he sounded a little sexy. I really could not attest for his looks just yet.

"Well, my name's Jason and I'm 27.. just kinda out walking.. just to get away.."

"Where you live?"

"About eight miles from here..." I pointed Northwest.

"Good God! That's a long walk, isn't it? I can get you something to drink if you like.."

"WOULD you mind?"

"No! I offered, didn't I? What for ya? Coke, Pepsi, I got tea, root beer, milk, coffee... Michelob.."

"Whew! A cold Pepsi would be fine..."

"Well, I'm sure it would, but it's not cold, I'll have to put it on ice..." "Okay." I walked into the light of the kitchen. W-w-whoa! He did have a nice figure! He was about 5' 11", he had light brown hair down to his shoulders in back, and a body I really couldn't bitch about. He was turned to the freezer now, getting ice and putting it in a glass as I happened to glance down and notice his lower torso. It was difficult to say if he had a hardon or not, but the briefs fit him tightly and they were definitely not new. This could get interesting.

The house had an interesting aroma about it. Oh.. the feelings that I had sweeping through me now. Part of me was saying, "you KNOW he's gay, he doesn't SOUND like a flaming queen or anything, but look at the way he's doing shit... he can't have anybody back at that apartment..." Still there was that one part of me that said, "slow down! Let nature take it's course! He'll let you know if he's gay or... whatever.. don't push your luck or he'll make you leave!" He handed me the drink. "Here," he said, smiling like he didn't have a care in the world. "Thanks a lot!" I said.

"Don't mention it; it's the least I could do. Don't guzzle it all down either now!"

"Heh.. I won't.."

Somehow I was detecting a double meaning to that.. "don't guzzle it down" sounded like he wanted me to stay a while. Hmmm.. fuck that walk to the hill. I didn't really care that much for it anyway!

We sat in the kitchen and talked. Damn, I couldn't get over this. "Are.. you an 'only child'?" I asked.

"Yeah.. you?"

"Not exactly. I have an older half-sister, but she's married... got a kid.." I said that like I hated to spout "married" and "kid" out of my mouth. Actually I did...

Keith looked at me as he turned his glass up again. "You married?" he asked. "Naah.. not me."

He nearly choked on his Coke. It was probably the way I said it. I said it matter-of-factly and as though I were saying, "what, you crazy?" "You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, it just.. went down the wrong way." "Well, are YOU married?" I asked of Keith.

"This may sound crazy, but hell no, and I plan to keep it that way!" Shit. Talk about GIVING yourself away.

I started giggling. I couldn't help it, it was the nature of things around me and what he had just said all rolled up into one. He smiled. "Whaaat... did I say something?" "Sort of.."

"Well, maybe I did," he said. "I guess you could get a few things out of that, couldn't you?"

"Yeah, I guess so.." I couldn't help smiling. Was he going to say it? Was he going to keep me guessing?

"Incidentally," I said, "I never plan on getting married either. Does that make us even?"

"It MIGHT.." he said. Then he added, rather shyly, "I've got a copy of The Advocate out there in my car..."......(cont)