Everyone clapped as I stood in the circle and made my declaration. I'd been invited to Paedophiles Anonymous by my manager, Howard, but I have to admit I was wary. That all changed when Steven told his story and, almost without thinking, I stood up and declared myself. I looked around the circle of strangers and my eyes caught Howard's, he nodded encouragingly and so I began my story.

"Steven has just said how he has recently become sexually involved with his daughter. I'm different. I'm the sort of person the papers would really have a field day with. I grew up in care, in what would today be called an abusive environment. I'm not using it as an excuse but just suffice it to say that, when I left the children's home at 16, I thought that sex between children and adults was normal. Hidden; but normal.

For the first few years after leaving the home I worked in various dead-end jobs, picking up a few skills in woodworking, painting and electrical work; whatever I could make a few pounds at. I lived alone in one room in a shared house. I was alone and lonely. I started hanging around school playgrounds. I never did anything, I just liked to be near the kids, but twice I was warned off by the police. This carried on in the same vein for four years and so I was twenty when at last things began to change for the better.

I was sitting in Victoria Park, watching the children playing on the grass, when Howard worked by. He nodded his head at me as he passed then stopped in his tracks. He turned and called out.

"Bob. It is you isn't it Bob?"

I nodded warily. Howard had been one of the care workers in my last home. As far as I knew he was straight, he certainly hadn't made any moves towards me. But still, he was an authority figure, and so I was guarded in my reactions.

"So Bob" he went on "What are you doing with yourself?"

I explained to Howard how my life had gone since becoming independent and he nodded.

"And what are you doing here in the park? Watching the children?"

I blushed, embarrassed at being caught.

"You know it is dangerous doing what you are doing, don't you?"

Once again all I could do was blush.

"Come on then Bob, let's go for a coffee."

We went to the 'Sooner A Latte' coffee shop, which wasn't much better than the park. Next to us was a table full of convent school girls enjoying being sophisticated with a coffee on the way home. As they giggled and laughed their smooth legs flashed beneath their check skirts distracting me from what Howard was saying.

"So... We need a new 'handyman'. You have a range of skills, you know the home, and I'm sure we can get clearance for you without any problems."

I sat and thought for a long time. The job sounded great; but, to go back to the home... I didn't know if I could do it.

"I'll tell you what, you come back with me and see if you can stand the old place. If you can then we can regularise things tomorrow." Howard suggested.

And so I found myself back in the home. It was strange at first, but most of the children that I knew well had left by then and so I was soon painting, changing light fittings, all the little jobs that constantly needed doing in a large house. Howard told me that there had been some questions from the local authority about the advisability of my going back, but he had convinced them that it was a form of 'Care in the Community' and they had gone for it......(cont)