Chapter One - Pamela

Thirty-four-year-old Pamela Dawkins lived, what she thought to be, an ideal life. She was beautiful, she had a lovely daughter and a handsome husband with a well paying career. Occasionally she might have to let her husband Dave spend a few minutes doing what she called in her mind "rutting" on top of her, but she had over time managed to keep this distasteful event limited to two or three times a year. She always felt dirty and depressed for days after one of these sessions. She was a leading member of a local book study group that met three times a week and every Wednesday evening she attended a writing class at the local Community College.

Each weekday morning, after Dave had gone to work and her daughter Dawn was safely in school, Pamela took off all her nightclothes and examined her body in the three panel, floor length mirror in her closet. She didn't really enjoy looking at her nude body all that much, in fact it slightly embarrassed her, but she felt it was an obligation. Pamela worked very hard to stay in shape, believing that her body was a temple and her function in life was to maintain it in perfect shape. Pamela really was an unusually beautiful woman. Her hair was the light blonde color of corn silk; yet it was full and thick, hanging down to the middle of her back, the ends slightly curled. Usually she wore it up in an elaborate twist style; at night she braided it in a single long braid. Her skin was a naturally faint buttery color even though she assiduously avoided the sun. Her face was smooth with high cheek bones and blue eyes the color of a spring sky right after a rain. She had long, pure white eyelashes. When a man looked directly into her eyes it was almost impossible for him not to feel a stirring deep within his genitals. Her straight nose was small and perfectly formed and her lips full and dark pink, dark to the point where she seldom wore lipstick - or any makeup for that matter. Her teeth were perfectly formed and snowy white, she had never had a cavity in her life. Her long and delicate neck merged gently into creamy skin that covered her shoulders and smooth arms. Pamela lowered her gaze to her breasts and looked at them from the front as well as from the sides. They were large and firm, with dusky pink nipples exactly the same color as her lips. The reaction she got from men to her breasts always amused her greatly. All she had to do was reach backward with one arm or raise one arm above her head to highlight a beast, or lean forward a show a little cleavage and all the male eyes in a room were on her. Even though she thought sex was somehow dirty and really sort of crass she did love being the center of attention - as long as she controlled the level of the attention. She thought men were hopeless enslaved by their penises and the best thing a woman could do was to use their lusts to her advantage, as long as she never let them get out of control. She took a breast in her hands and checked it carefully for lumps. It always embarrassed her that her nipples got hard when she did this, but she tried to put the thought out of her mind. While she was standing in profile to the mirror Pamela would check out her stomach to be sure that it didn't protrude and that her buttocks were still high and firm. Pamela turned again so that she could look over her shoulder at the backs of her thighs to make sure no cellulite had formed, and that her calves were firm and muscled. Pamela really thought that, next to her eyes and hair, her legs were her best feature. Very long and perfectly formed with thin ankles, she occasionally wished she could sit in the sun in a bathing suit and just let men stare at her legs - but she knew she never would. Firstly sitting in the sun was out of the question, it hardened the skin and caused lines to form around the eyes and mouth. But even more important she knew that she had to be careful so as not to arouse men too much because they might get carried away and make crude remarks or worse.

Pamela worried a lot about the responsibility of having such a beautiful body. While she enjoyed the attention from men she feared it as well. She had read books and heard whispered stories of men getting overtaken by their sexual desires and forcing themselves on women - even their own wives. While she didn't think Dave would ever do anything like that again, he was too cultured, it never hurt to be careful. She still shuddered when she thought about what he did to her on their wedding night. Pamela was careful never to let Dave see her undressed or in her lingerie. She dressed and undressed in her closet or in her bathroom with the door locked. At night she put on a soft, sleep bra and cotton panties under flannel pajamas along with flannel socks. For a few years when they had first married she wore a flannel gown to bed but one night she awakened to find Dave with his hand up under her gown on her upper thigh and from that time on she wore pajamas pants with a drawstring that tied around her waist. Even when she did let him have sex with her, with all the lights out, she was careful to always keep her top on - she hated the feeling of sweaty skin touching her. It almost made her physically ill to think of a man's sweaty body touching her, rubbing dirt into her pores, leaving his sweaty male residue on her unblemished skin.

After Pamela finished her examination she would put on her workout clothes and do a two hour workout that included a treadmill, stationary bike and stairmaster. When she finished her workout she had a single cup of black coffee, a slice of dry rye or whole wheat toast and a container of no- fat yogurt. Pamela viewed fat in her diet with the same enthusiasm a death-row inmate bound for the gas chamber viewed cyanide. After her Spartan breakfast Pamela would move to the family hot tub for a few minutes of soaking in the hot water followed by a long shower where she washed and conditioned her hair as well as shaved her legs and underarms. Even though she was a blonde her body hair grew quickly and once a week or so she would even shave what she called "her private place" as well. She only shaved the space to the side of her mons, leaving a full patch of white-blonde hair at the top of her mound and a thin line along side of each plump lip. She had noticed that keeping her pubic hair like this minimized the appearance of her mound in form fitting pants. She always did that distasteful chore as quickly as possible and made sure that all the hair was washed out of her razor and down the shower drain.

After her shower it took Pamela another hour to dry her hair and get carefully dressed. Three days a week she left for her book club meeting. The other two days she usually shopped for groceries, went by the dry cleaners or did some clothes shopping. She bought clothes for Dave and Dawn as well as her own, and her fashion taste, while on the conservative side was impeccable. Pamela was always home in time to prepare a healthy, low-fat dinner for Dave and Dawn. A dinner by the way which she insisted be eaten in the dinning room with everyone nicely dressed. After a leisurely dinner Dave and Dawn would clear the table and clean the kitchen while Pamela moved to her closet to put on her sleeping attire as well as a heavy flannel robe. Then she would take a few minutes and braid her hair. The rest of the evening was spent with Dawn finishing her homework while Pamela read in the living room - Dave usually retired to the den to watch television or a video tape. Once or twice a month Pamela and Dave went to an office function or to an acquaintance's house for dinner. The weeks went by one by one, each very much like the one before it. Pamela, if not happy, was very content. Pamela felt that she loved her daughter and husband but she wasn't sure what that really meant. In her mind love meant keeping a clean house and cooking healthy food, any emotional sharing never crossed her mind. She was grateful that Dave was willing to take on the majority of the child-rearing tasks. As Dawn grew older Pamela did have occasional twinges of jealousy about how beautiful Dawn was becoming and how men often looked at her as well as Pamela when they went out as a family, but Pamela immediately pushed these thought to the back of her mind.......(cont)